The house, the kids, the dog, the husband, I had it all........
Looking from the outside in, I had achieved what most women strive for a husband, two kids, a house, and a dog (and cats). From societies point of view I should have been happy. Looking from the inside out, it was my personal hell.
What people didn't know was that my husband was a verbally and emotionally abusive alcoholic, our finances were in the toilet and our mutual hatred for each other was making us both physically ill.
I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 1993 and could no longer work so I became a stay at home mom, doing daycare and other part time jobs. As my marriage, financial state, and health got worse I became more and more depressed, to the point where I was afraid I would be hospitalized if I told anyone how I was feeling. Instead I just cried all day as I did the house work, took care of the kids, pets and yard work etc. and basically forced myself to keep functioning despite the pain and exhaustion with shear will power.
I'm sure many of you are thinking "Why did you stay? Why didn't you just leave?" This is the question people who have never been in this situation always ask. The hardest thing for me to admit was that I was being abused and the longer you are in the situation the harder it is to get out because you resign yourself to being miserable for the rest of you life. I honestly didn't think I would ever feel the emotion of happiness ever again. It is a mindset that is very hard to understand unless you experience it.
After 11 years I was able to escape my hell thanks to my wonderful loving family, who helped me time and time again as I put the pieces of my life back together. As I began to heal emotionally I searched for ways to help my children also. We were all emotionally scarred and it showed in their behavior. I needed to find a way to help them heal so I took them to psychologists and therapists, this was a complete failure. Forcing them to talk about their anger and feelings due to the abuse just recreated it again each time they went. It wasn't relieving the feelings just reinforcing them.
I just wanted to get my life back together, personally and financially and help my children grow up to be happy, healthy adults, and put a stop to the cycle of alcoholism and abuse. The question was how do I do that.........
Looking from the outside in, I had achieved what most women strive for a husband, two kids, a house, and a dog (and cats). From societies point of view I should have been happy. Looking from the inside out, it was my personal hell.
What people didn't know was that my husband was a verbally and emotionally abusive alcoholic, our finances were in the toilet and our mutual hatred for each other was making us both physically ill.
I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 1993 and could no longer work so I became a stay at home mom, doing daycare and other part time jobs. As my marriage, financial state, and health got worse I became more and more depressed, to the point where I was afraid I would be hospitalized if I told anyone how I was feeling. Instead I just cried all day as I did the house work, took care of the kids, pets and yard work etc. and basically forced myself to keep functioning despite the pain and exhaustion with shear will power.
I'm sure many of you are thinking "Why did you stay? Why didn't you just leave?" This is the question people who have never been in this situation always ask. The hardest thing for me to admit was that I was being abused and the longer you are in the situation the harder it is to get out because you resign yourself to being miserable for the rest of you life. I honestly didn't think I would ever feel the emotion of happiness ever again. It is a mindset that is very hard to understand unless you experience it.
After 11 years I was able to escape my hell thanks to my wonderful loving family, who helped me time and time again as I put the pieces of my life back together. As I began to heal emotionally I searched for ways to help my children also. We were all emotionally scarred and it showed in their behavior. I needed to find a way to help them heal so I took them to psychologists and therapists, this was a complete failure. Forcing them to talk about their anger and feelings due to the abuse just recreated it again each time they went. It wasn't relieving the feelings just reinforcing them.
I just wanted to get my life back together, personally and financially and help my children grow up to be happy, healthy adults, and put a stop to the cycle of alcoholism and abuse. The question was how do I do that.........
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