What happened to me? Where did I go?.....
I remember being rather spunky and bossy as a child and teen. I was also stubborn and headstrong, although very shy until I got to know you. I began to develop insecurities in my teen years. I didn't have a very close relationship with my father and I regret that. Because of these insecurities I married the first person to tell me they loved me, even though the feelings weren't mutual. I was in love with the idea of being in love and having the kids and house etc. I was afraid that I would never find anyone else to love me so I settled for the first person who did. As many people do, I let my fear get the best of me and cause me to make a very poor choice.
Shortly after my wedding my father died. This was the worst experience of my entire life so far. As I held his hand and prayed each time he took a breath, for that to be the last one and end his suffering, I was silently pleading for just one more because I didn't want him to go. I have yet to address the emotional traumas and imbalances that this must have created. As the years of verbal and emotional abuse went on I would imagine him still alive and coming to my rescue, unfortunately it was only wishful thinking.
The abuse changes you, you begin to believe that you really are stupid, worthless and undeserving. I would lie in bed and sob asking God "Why, what did I do to deserve this? I was no longer spunky and bossy. I didn't smile or laugh. I spent my days doing all of the mundane chores that go along with having a house and kids. I spent my days crying because I hated my husband and my life. I was afraid to answer the phone or the door or even get the mail because of bill collectors. I had no friends and I pulled away from my family because I was so ashamed of what my life had become. I became an empty shell, lost, alone and miserable.
I believe that my firbromyalgia and other health issues were a culmination of all the emotional and psychological trauma that I experienced over the years. But along with the physical issues there were the psychological issues I needed to address. All of the limiting beliefs that were created because I was programmed to believe that I was worthless, stupid and undeserving. If someone had told me at that time that I was creating my own reality with these thoughts I would have told them they were crazy. But as crazy as that sounds, I really was, I just had no idea I was doing it.
I have used many different modalities to heal my emotional wounds, but The Emotion Code and Body Code have been the most helpful. I have released many of the limiting beliefs that were holding me back in life along with trapped emotions that were feeding the fear. I have released heart walls that my subconscious mind created to protect my heart from heartache. And along the way I have learned about quantum physics and energy and manifesting. By increasing my vibrational frequency, changing my beliefs and practicing affirmations, I have begun to create a happier, healthier and more abundant reality. One that includes laughter and smiles......
I remember being rather spunky and bossy as a child and teen. I was also stubborn and headstrong, although very shy until I got to know you. I began to develop insecurities in my teen years. I didn't have a very close relationship with my father and I regret that. Because of these insecurities I married the first person to tell me they loved me, even though the feelings weren't mutual. I was in love with the idea of being in love and having the kids and house etc. I was afraid that I would never find anyone else to love me so I settled for the first person who did. As many people do, I let my fear get the best of me and cause me to make a very poor choice.
Shortly after my wedding my father died. This was the worst experience of my entire life so far. As I held his hand and prayed each time he took a breath, for that to be the last one and end his suffering, I was silently pleading for just one more because I didn't want him to go. I have yet to address the emotional traumas and imbalances that this must have created. As the years of verbal and emotional abuse went on I would imagine him still alive and coming to my rescue, unfortunately it was only wishful thinking.
The abuse changes you, you begin to believe that you really are stupid, worthless and undeserving. I would lie in bed and sob asking God "Why, what did I do to deserve this? I was no longer spunky and bossy. I didn't smile or laugh. I spent my days doing all of the mundane chores that go along with having a house and kids. I spent my days crying because I hated my husband and my life. I was afraid to answer the phone or the door or even get the mail because of bill collectors. I had no friends and I pulled away from my family because I was so ashamed of what my life had become. I became an empty shell, lost, alone and miserable.
I believe that my firbromyalgia and other health issues were a culmination of all the emotional and psychological trauma that I experienced over the years. But along with the physical issues there were the psychological issues I needed to address. All of the limiting beliefs that were created because I was programmed to believe that I was worthless, stupid and undeserving. If someone had told me at that time that I was creating my own reality with these thoughts I would have told them they were crazy. But as crazy as that sounds, I really was, I just had no idea I was doing it.
I have used many different modalities to heal my emotional wounds, but The Emotion Code and Body Code have been the most helpful. I have released many of the limiting beliefs that were holding me back in life along with trapped emotions that were feeding the fear. I have released heart walls that my subconscious mind created to protect my heart from heartache. And along the way I have learned about quantum physics and energy and manifesting. By increasing my vibrational frequency, changing my beliefs and practicing affirmations, I have begun to create a happier, healthier and more abundant reality. One that includes laughter and smiles......
RSS Feed
